I have noticed a change in myself lately.
I have been thinking if such a change is good or bad.
In fact, not only myself have noticed it.
Many of my friends have sensed it.
In my mind, I know of a few factors that have caused the change -- What has happened a few months ago + A book I have bought recently....
It will be stupid for me to blame it all on the factors above.. since it is ME who allowed the change in myself.
I dont think I will be able to express myself very clearly what exactly the changes are.
Basically, now I think less for others than I used to be.

In the past, I will avoid giving negative feedbacks even though I think that I was being bullied. I will just keep quiet as I think speaking up doesnt help to solve the problem anyway. So why make more people be unhappy with me?

In the past, as long as what I am "suffering" is equivalent to others' happiness, I wouldnt mind keeping quiet.

Now, I give negative feedbacks to seniors without hesistation, even though I know he was in a difficult position too.

Now, I am no longer as helpful as before. I will ask my friend who wants me to help him sell a textbook to bring the book to where I am, instead of meeting him at a place convenient for him.

In another words, I am becoming a more selfish person.

In the past, in order to prevent misunderstandings, I will go all the way to explain why I did certain things.

Now, as long as I think it is not wrong and does no harm, I will save the explanation.

In another words, I am becoming a more lazy person.

In the past, I am quite concerned about what others think of me and my action.

Now, I just want to love myself more and be myself.

In the past, I treat guys like guys.

Now, I treat some guys like shit. Stereotyping them as jerks etc.. (Luckily not to those whom I have known for a long time)

Xiu Juan says.. I should think more for myself but not change because of him.

Angelia says.. The change is good for me though I appear to be less kind to others.

I'm at the stage where I can still control how I should behave.
It's either I take a U-turn
Or I continue to be more selfish and lazy and probably, bitchy.

posted at 2:51 pm.

Hello everyone, I was busy with Hall FOC last week. School started yesterday and now I am busy buying textbooks, adding electives and getting myself ready to MUG.

A lot of friends have been concerned about how I am lately.. after going back to hall and meeting people who will remind me of the unhappy past. So this post is just to let all of you know that I AM OK!

No doubt, the incident has made very upset over the past 2 months.

It has wasted much of my tears as well as precious eyelashes when I use my fingers to rub my eyes.

It has killed many of my brain cells trying to figure out what exactly has happened.

It has made me TOTALLY disappointed in someone.

It has left me with a broken heart (still searching for some super-plaster to stick it back).

It has once again proven that Si Yun is stupid.

Yet on the other hand, I have learnt alot from it too.

It has proven the importance of friendship in my life. Of course, I do appreciate all my friends even before this incident, ok? Just that this incident has further reminded me the importance of each and everyone of you.

Secondly, it has made me realised that... I am not as weak as I thought I was. To be honest, tears still can flow even when I was attending a lecture (lecturer played a sad song) just now but my self-console ability seems to be much stronger than before. Besides, the worst scenario that I have thought of has already happened yesterday so I should be fine! Even when the 2 of them walked towards me yesterday (I am sure they didnt do it on purpose) , I could still put on a smile on my face! I am quite proud of myself for that. =)

So yup, this is probably the last time I will mention about him here. Not that I am going to abandon this blog or leave this world but just trying not to think about it anymore. I know I shouldnt be thinking about it since long ago and some friends have been "begging" me to stop waiting for him to do anything for me. Dont get it wrong peeps, I may be still upset at times but it defintitely does not mean that I am waiting for him or whatsoever. Even if it's a lost handphone or wallet, I believe many of you will still feel sad over it after a month or so right? But it's not items that can be bought or replaced which I am talking about now. It's feelings. Yes, to some people, feelings and promises are cheap and can be forgotten in a few days time but I am sorry I just dont have this ability.

Currently, I should be very busy with studies and CCAs so it shouldnt be too painful. If I ever have the time to start thinking about nonsense, it means that I am not studying hard. Yup, this is how I am going to push myself this sem! Who knows, this incident can indirectly 'help' me get 5 As this sem! =)

Yup, so dont worry my dear friends =) I will be strong! Once again, THANKS!! Really, greatly appreciate what you all have done for me.

As for my hallmates , I am truly sorry if I have put you in a difficult position during FOC.

Sorry Yu Rong, for making you worry throughout the camp. Thanks for your thoughtfulness! =) Dont think too much sometimes k!

posted at 8:39 pm.